My birth story
Wow.
Firstly I'd like to introduce my little lady, Mabel Louise Hodgson. She is amazing. She was born Friday 20th March at 2.12am and weighed 9.11 lbs.
The birth was an experience. Some of it good but the ending was quite traumatic. I want to be really honest but I don't want to put anyone off. My birth went a bit awry because of the size of her. 9.11 lbs is pretty hefty and I'm quite a small girl at 5'1 and about a size 8 so logistically it was going to put a lot of strain on my body. Had the doctors known the size of her, possibly they wouldn't have let me try for a natural birth but it's very hard to predict the size of a baby inside you and I guess no one thought there was concern with me. She did go 13 days over as well. But anyway, let's start from the beginning...
I was due to be induced Wednesday the 18th March lunchtime, and I was dreading it. If it didn't go smoothly they wouldn't let you use the birth centre or pool and I knew that's where I wanted to be... Luckily at 4.00am Wednesday morning I began having contractions about 7 minutes apart constantly. I was officially in early labour. Early labour is where you go to 4cm dialated, you stay at home for this part they won't let you into hospital and this stage can last quite a long time. For me it lasted 36 hours before they'd let me into hospital!
It was hard going. The contractions stayed 7 minutes apart for a good 24 hours, they were fairly uncomfortable and I couldn't sleep through them. I was exhausted and fed up. We went into hospital at 3am Thursday to be told I was only 3 cm dialated and they couldn't admit me until I was 4. This was incredibly frustrating. They were getting more painful but no closer together. I paced the flat hoping to get things going. I rocked, hummed and grimaced my way through another 10 hours. Had a couple of baths and paracetamol and just had to wait for the contractions to get to 3 minutes. Sam was amazing, I let him nap occasionally to keep his energy up but he was so good at getting me to breathe and keep me spirits up and well as rubbing my back and timing every contraction for me!
After a few vigorous walks up the stairs that led to a lot of painful contractions we realised they were coming between 3 and 4 minutes apart. Showtime.
Grabbing all the bags we headed to the hospital again, set in the knowledge we wouldn't be returning without a baby! They examined me and I was 5cm! Finally they admitted me and I was given a room with my own pool. Contractions were pretty painful and regular. I had a position kneeling down, leaning forward that I seemed to cope with them in and I couldn't move from it. I had a go on a TENS machine but it just annoyed me so they suggested I got in the pool.
I'm not going to say the pain lessened to that great an extent but there was a difference. It felt nice and calm. I resumed my kneeling position, gripped on to Sam and tried to breathe through my contractions. I had an amazing midwife and student midwife with me most of the time. Between them they were lovely, the lights were dim and everyone was always telling me how well I was doing, how calm I was being and between contractions it was almost relaxing. I laboured like this for about 4 hours. How single mums get through this without a partner is so hard to imagine. Sam was my rock, I literally couldn't have done it without him, just having his hand to squeeze was the most important thing to get me through. I could have had gas and air in the pool but I just didn't. Was concentrating too hard on everything else. It's a very overwhelming experience and I think I was just swallowed by it at this point.
I started getting feelings to push. The midwife decided to examine me to see how I was doing. Getting out of the pool was stressful I didn't want to be disturbed and the contractions were scary when I was in any other position. I was 8cm so I'd made good progress. But I didn't need to push until I'd reached 10, however the urge was so strong the midwifed said to go with what my body was telling me. So I began to push slightly when it felt right. I got back in the pool. The midwife had finished their shift and swopped over to another two equally nice midwifes although I was sad to see them go.
I was in the pool 'pushing' for a good two hours. I felt like I was pushing productively but nothing seemed to be happening. They couldn't see the baby yet. The pain was getting worse and they got me out to examine me. 9cm. This was disheartening as I still wasn't fully dialated. I was so tired at this point and beginning to feel something may have been wrong. The midwives suggested they should manually break my waters as they still hadn't gone and that might speed things up. I agreed to give it a go.
It was uncomfortable but no worse than what I was already going through. I felt my waters go everywhere and waited to see what would happen next...
I didn't have to wait long. The next contraction was the most painful pressure I've ever felt. Before this point I'd have said my contractions were about an 8/10 on the pain scale, I now realised they were about a 3/10 and these new ones were 10/10. I went from quietly breathing through them to screaming out in agony. Just thinking about it makes me shudder. Breaking my waters had changed everything. I was having double contractions, one after another. No break. This was when I started to get scared and agitated. I felt something was really wrong.
I begged the midwives and Sam to help me. I begged for a caesarean for an epidural for anything that would make this stop. They managed to persuade me, God knows how to try and push for half an hour. I did. Just begging for it to stop during each contraction. Pleading with Sam to help me. It felt like no one was listening to me. There was no progress after half an hour. I was getting incredibly upset. So was Sam by this point, he began to suggest I needed help, needed to be moved... I'm not the kind of person to make a fuss and I'd dealt with first stage of labour so well I think he knew for me to be shrieking out in pain something wasn't right.
Finally they agreed to take me to the labour ward. It took forever. I had a cannular put into my hand and was plonked still in my bikini top, all wet with a hospital gown over me into a wheelchair. That was horrible my pain was bad enough when I was in my position kneeling. To be sat in a chair was horrendous. I was wheeled downstairs and put in a room to wait for a doctor. It was a shock. To go from a dimly lit calm birth centre room to this clinical, clearly medical place was scary and upsetting. Lying in a hospital bed was awful, my contractions were off the chart and being laid down was not ideal. We were told a doctor was on his way. It felt like a lifetime until he arrived. Each fresh wave of pain was now scaring me. Finally a doctor turned up and I pleaded with him for a caesarean, pain relief, anything... No one apart from Sam seemed to understand my urgency.
The doctor said nothing could happen until I was examined. I was so fed up with examinations and getting my blood pressure measured and people poking and prodding at me all whilst having the most intense feeling like the bottom half of me was about to explode. But I had no choice. They examined me and informed me that I couldn't have any pain relief or a Caesarean as they could finally see a glimpse of the baby's head. Where I got the next burst of energy from I don't know. I'd been going for 44 hours by now.
They put my legs up in stirrups and started really encouraging each push. Each contraction now, as much as they hurt I used all that pressure to push with every bit of strength I had left. The end was in sight. There seemed to be a lot of people in the room talking to me but I blocked everyone out and focused everything on my baby. It was taking a long time. Sometimes they sounded optimistic and it felt like I was making progress sometimes I could hear the worry that she wasn't coming quick enough. They said the head was nearly out and Sam went down the danger end to see! This part is a bit of a blur. I remember them injecting me with something to numb the area because they were going to need to cut. They used a catheter to empty my bladder as every millimetre of space was needed. Forceps couldn't be used because there was just no room. It was all down to me and I was tiring.
When they said the head was coming out I expected it to be over in the next couple of pushes. It was a new pain to add to the collection. By now I just wanted it to be over. Every contraction I was straining with all my might to finish it. Makes me feel quite emotional just remembering it. It was the most epic moment of my life probably. It was terrifying and a pain you can't comprehend unless you've felt it yourself...but it had to be done. You couldn't suddenly say I can't do this, it's too hard... You have to get your baby out. It's your first task as a mother.
I know they cut me to help, she was a big girl! And I think they had to help pull her out but my eyes were clenched shut during so I didn't notice. I just felt a baby being plonked on my chest. She was warm and covered in blood and a bit blue and all mine. The doctors all vocalised their shock at her size. She got whisked off to be examined, when they announced her weight at 9.11 lbs I couldn't believe it. Over 8 lbs seemed massive to me. Sam chickened out of cutting the cord, he burst into tears when she started to cry, probably from pure relief that it was over and we were both ok. The feeling that the contractions had finally stopped was euphoric. Even though I was knackered and fairly sore down below the happiness I felt was overwhelming. Especially when I knew baby was ok. They let us see her again, they injected me so the third stage of labour was quick then I got stitched up. Finally got given gas and air for the stitching up! Lovely stuff. I was high as a kite and chatting absolute rubbish to everyone.
It's amazing how normal you feel straight away. Sore, tired and traumatised but no pain or pregnancy gripes. All disappeared!
She went off to have some anti-biotics and monitoring as her birth was drawn out and I think she pooed during. Sam went with her. My mum turned up and I was very happy to have her there. They wheeled me to a ward and put me in bed, as tired as I was I was also wired. Sam turned up with her in a little crib and I fed her lying down. Then my mum and Sam had to go and it was just me and her. So surreal. I couldn't stop looking at her, worrying if she was still breathing. I should have tried to sleep but I couldn't. It was too overwhelming and I wished Sam was with me.
He needed to sleep too. He'd been through everything with me and been the best birth partner I could have asked for. I am forever in his debt for him getting me through it. It was something that will bind us together forever. Fo better or worse!
I don't want to put anyone off a natural birth. Had Mabel been 7 lbs I would have had her in the pool and I bet I'd be proud as punch and bragging about my beautiful natural birth. I still am proud. Giving birth is extraordinary, doing it without pain relief is something I personally wanted to experience. I'm half glad I did but I can definitely see the appeal of an epidural now! If I ever have another I will be monitored much closer for the size of baby and I imagine I may be offered a caesarean if they are going to be that big again...! At the moment though I'm not really thinking about ever having another one!
Thanks to everyone who has followed my pregnancy, hope you have enjoyed reading :)
Mabel is two weeks old now and my next piece will be on her first weeks in the world.
Wow.
Firstly I'd like to introduce my little lady, Mabel Louise Hodgson. She is amazing. She was born Friday 20th March at 2.12am and weighed 9.11 lbs.
The birth was an experience. Some of it good but the ending was quite traumatic. I want to be really honest but I don't want to put anyone off. My birth went a bit awry because of the size of her. 9.11 lbs is pretty hefty and I'm quite a small girl at 5'1 and about a size 8 so logistically it was going to put a lot of strain on my body. Had the doctors known the size of her, possibly they wouldn't have let me try for a natural birth but it's very hard to predict the size of a baby inside you and I guess no one thought there was concern with me. She did go 13 days over as well. But anyway, let's start from the beginning...
I was due to be induced Wednesday the 18th March lunchtime, and I was dreading it. If it didn't go smoothly they wouldn't let you use the birth centre or pool and I knew that's where I wanted to be... Luckily at 4.00am Wednesday morning I began having contractions about 7 minutes apart constantly. I was officially in early labour. Early labour is where you go to 4cm dialated, you stay at home for this part they won't let you into hospital and this stage can last quite a long time. For me it lasted 36 hours before they'd let me into hospital!
It was hard going. The contractions stayed 7 minutes apart for a good 24 hours, they were fairly uncomfortable and I couldn't sleep through them. I was exhausted and fed up. We went into hospital at 3am Thursday to be told I was only 3 cm dialated and they couldn't admit me until I was 4. This was incredibly frustrating. They were getting more painful but no closer together. I paced the flat hoping to get things going. I rocked, hummed and grimaced my way through another 10 hours. Had a couple of baths and paracetamol and just had to wait for the contractions to get to 3 minutes. Sam was amazing, I let him nap occasionally to keep his energy up but he was so good at getting me to breathe and keep me spirits up and well as rubbing my back and timing every contraction for me!
After a few vigorous walks up the stairs that led to a lot of painful contractions we realised they were coming between 3 and 4 minutes apart. Showtime.
Grabbing all the bags we headed to the hospital again, set in the knowledge we wouldn't be returning without a baby! They examined me and I was 5cm! Finally they admitted me and I was given a room with my own pool. Contractions were pretty painful and regular. I had a position kneeling down, leaning forward that I seemed to cope with them in and I couldn't move from it. I had a go on a TENS machine but it just annoyed me so they suggested I got in the pool.
I'm not going to say the pain lessened to that great an extent but there was a difference. It felt nice and calm. I resumed my kneeling position, gripped on to Sam and tried to breathe through my contractions. I had an amazing midwife and student midwife with me most of the time. Between them they were lovely, the lights were dim and everyone was always telling me how well I was doing, how calm I was being and between contractions it was almost relaxing. I laboured like this for about 4 hours. How single mums get through this without a partner is so hard to imagine. Sam was my rock, I literally couldn't have done it without him, just having his hand to squeeze was the most important thing to get me through. I could have had gas and air in the pool but I just didn't. Was concentrating too hard on everything else. It's a very overwhelming experience and I think I was just swallowed by it at this point.
I started getting feelings to push. The midwife decided to examine me to see how I was doing. Getting out of the pool was stressful I didn't want to be disturbed and the contractions were scary when I was in any other position. I was 8cm so I'd made good progress. But I didn't need to push until I'd reached 10, however the urge was so strong the midwifed said to go with what my body was telling me. So I began to push slightly when it felt right. I got back in the pool. The midwife had finished their shift and swopped over to another two equally nice midwifes although I was sad to see them go.
I was in the pool 'pushing' for a good two hours. I felt like I was pushing productively but nothing seemed to be happening. They couldn't see the baby yet. The pain was getting worse and they got me out to examine me. 9cm. This was disheartening as I still wasn't fully dialated. I was so tired at this point and beginning to feel something may have been wrong. The midwives suggested they should manually break my waters as they still hadn't gone and that might speed things up. I agreed to give it a go.
It was uncomfortable but no worse than what I was already going through. I felt my waters go everywhere and waited to see what would happen next...
I didn't have to wait long. The next contraction was the most painful pressure I've ever felt. Before this point I'd have said my contractions were about an 8/10 on the pain scale, I now realised they were about a 3/10 and these new ones were 10/10. I went from quietly breathing through them to screaming out in agony. Just thinking about it makes me shudder. Breaking my waters had changed everything. I was having double contractions, one after another. No break. This was when I started to get scared and agitated. I felt something was really wrong.
I begged the midwives and Sam to help me. I begged for a caesarean for an epidural for anything that would make this stop. They managed to persuade me, God knows how to try and push for half an hour. I did. Just begging for it to stop during each contraction. Pleading with Sam to help me. It felt like no one was listening to me. There was no progress after half an hour. I was getting incredibly upset. So was Sam by this point, he began to suggest I needed help, needed to be moved... I'm not the kind of person to make a fuss and I'd dealt with first stage of labour so well I think he knew for me to be shrieking out in pain something wasn't right.
Finally they agreed to take me to the labour ward. It took forever. I had a cannular put into my hand and was plonked still in my bikini top, all wet with a hospital gown over me into a wheelchair. That was horrible my pain was bad enough when I was in my position kneeling. To be sat in a chair was horrendous. I was wheeled downstairs and put in a room to wait for a doctor. It was a shock. To go from a dimly lit calm birth centre room to this clinical, clearly medical place was scary and upsetting. Lying in a hospital bed was awful, my contractions were off the chart and being laid down was not ideal. We were told a doctor was on his way. It felt like a lifetime until he arrived. Each fresh wave of pain was now scaring me. Finally a doctor turned up and I pleaded with him for a caesarean, pain relief, anything... No one apart from Sam seemed to understand my urgency.
The doctor said nothing could happen until I was examined. I was so fed up with examinations and getting my blood pressure measured and people poking and prodding at me all whilst having the most intense feeling like the bottom half of me was about to explode. But I had no choice. They examined me and informed me that I couldn't have any pain relief or a Caesarean as they could finally see a glimpse of the baby's head. Where I got the next burst of energy from I don't know. I'd been going for 44 hours by now.
They put my legs up in stirrups and started really encouraging each push. Each contraction now, as much as they hurt I used all that pressure to push with every bit of strength I had left. The end was in sight. There seemed to be a lot of people in the room talking to me but I blocked everyone out and focused everything on my baby. It was taking a long time. Sometimes they sounded optimistic and it felt like I was making progress sometimes I could hear the worry that she wasn't coming quick enough. They said the head was nearly out and Sam went down the danger end to see! This part is a bit of a blur. I remember them injecting me with something to numb the area because they were going to need to cut. They used a catheter to empty my bladder as every millimetre of space was needed. Forceps couldn't be used because there was just no room. It was all down to me and I was tiring.
When they said the head was coming out I expected it to be over in the next couple of pushes. It was a new pain to add to the collection. By now I just wanted it to be over. Every contraction I was straining with all my might to finish it. Makes me feel quite emotional just remembering it. It was the most epic moment of my life probably. It was terrifying and a pain you can't comprehend unless you've felt it yourself...but it had to be done. You couldn't suddenly say I can't do this, it's too hard... You have to get your baby out. It's your first task as a mother.
I know they cut me to help, she was a big girl! And I think they had to help pull her out but my eyes were clenched shut during so I didn't notice. I just felt a baby being plonked on my chest. She was warm and covered in blood and a bit blue and all mine. The doctors all vocalised their shock at her size. She got whisked off to be examined, when they announced her weight at 9.11 lbs I couldn't believe it. Over 8 lbs seemed massive to me. Sam chickened out of cutting the cord, he burst into tears when she started to cry, probably from pure relief that it was over and we were both ok. The feeling that the contractions had finally stopped was euphoric. Even though I was knackered and fairly sore down below the happiness I felt was overwhelming. Especially when I knew baby was ok. They let us see her again, they injected me so the third stage of labour was quick then I got stitched up. Finally got given gas and air for the stitching up! Lovely stuff. I was high as a kite and chatting absolute rubbish to everyone.
It's amazing how normal you feel straight away. Sore, tired and traumatised but no pain or pregnancy gripes. All disappeared!
She went off to have some anti-biotics and monitoring as her birth was drawn out and I think she pooed during. Sam went with her. My mum turned up and I was very happy to have her there. They wheeled me to a ward and put me in bed, as tired as I was I was also wired. Sam turned up with her in a little crib and I fed her lying down. Then my mum and Sam had to go and it was just me and her. So surreal. I couldn't stop looking at her, worrying if she was still breathing. I should have tried to sleep but I couldn't. It was too overwhelming and I wished Sam was with me.
He needed to sleep too. He'd been through everything with me and been the best birth partner I could have asked for. I am forever in his debt for him getting me through it. It was something that will bind us together forever. Fo better or worse!
I don't want to put anyone off a natural birth. Had Mabel been 7 lbs I would have had her in the pool and I bet I'd be proud as punch and bragging about my beautiful natural birth. I still am proud. Giving birth is extraordinary, doing it without pain relief is something I personally wanted to experience. I'm half glad I did but I can definitely see the appeal of an epidural now! If I ever have another I will be monitored much closer for the size of baby and I imagine I may be offered a caesarean if they are going to be that big again...! At the moment though I'm not really thinking about ever having another one!
Thanks to everyone who has followed my pregnancy, hope you have enjoyed reading :)
Mabel is two weeks old now and my next piece will be on her first weeks in the world.